Thank you for the music, Whitney!

The pop diva of my youth has passed on

Back in the 80′s, when compact discs were still golden both in form and in worth, the very first pop music exposure that my siblings and I had were to Whitney Houston (and Sheena Easton). My OFW father bought those original CDs from abroad, and we were instantly singing and dancing to “I Wanna Dance with Somebody,” “Love Will Save Day,” and “So Emotional.”

The copy we had; her self-titled album in 1987

It’s quite funny that my generation used to belt out to “Savin’ All my Love for You” not knowing that it’s a song of a mistress! Ms. Houston’s songs became a staple for the Pinoy youth’s singing contests because it is always a vocal challenge to reach the high notes during her song’s modulation. Her singing style eventually became the public’s benchmark of vocal prowess. Despite the mature themes of her songs, and because song choices for such contests rarely merit a thought on a song’s content other than its tonality, the teens singing them fell prey to impropriety (truth be told, myself included then). Tonality and musicality, I learned, were two different things. I began to appreciate her songs more as I grew up understanding the messages of her songs’ text, which became theme songs of my forlorn romantic experiences in high school.

Intense longing and all-out-type-of-love-where-I’ll-give-every-ounce-I-have themes are the constant heartbreak notions of our youth that’s why Houston songs became classics. There’s really something about the crescendos of Whitney that mimic the heartfelt anguish of a broken heart. I know that feeling a little too well.

Whitney Houston’s numerous collaborations with other artists are notable in her musical history, and my ultimate favorite of them all is the very uplifting &  inspiring “When You Believe” with Mariah Carey. The song received an Academy Award for Best Original Song in 1999 and is included in the soundtrack of the animated film “Prince of Egypt’ which I also love.

*sniff, sniff*

This song never fails to make me cry not just because it’s sung beautifully by both Whitney & Mariah, but because it sends a very inspiring message for me not to lose hope when I feel the emotional and spiritual thirst in life. The struggle to keep that faith is always hard, and like Whitney’s fight against her inner demons, we can all relate to the challenge of the darkness in us trying to extinguish our light. Her music greatly influenced my musical taste and technique in singing, and I could only wish that she now found the peace that not even her fame and fortune could fill. She is definitely my singing idol, and may she find eternal happiness with the Lord now.

Love quotes from Jeanette Winterson

If and when I get married, I’ll surely incorporate these beautiful lines in my vows. Quotes from the book, The Stone Gods.

Hand in hand, beginning the descent of you. hand over hand, too fast, like my heartbeat. This is the way down, the cliff, the cave. No safety, no certainty of return.

I can say no, I can change my mind, I can have regrets, but I can’t wipe out the yes. One word, and a million million worlds close.

Here is a moment in time, and my choices have been no stranger than millions before me, displaced by wars or conscience, leaving the known for the unknown, hesitating, fearing, then finding themselves already on the journey, footprint and memory each imprinting the trail: what you had, what you lost, what you found, no matter how difficult or impossible, the moment when time became a bridge and you crossed it.

I want to touch you. And if you did touch me, what then? I would find a language of beginning. And you once voyaged would be my free and wild place that I would never try to tame. And the place that you are would never be sold or exchanged. I want to begin this with you. 

Have a happy Valentine’s Day y’all!

Goal #1 in 2012 – ACHIEVED!

My first New Year’s resolution for 2012 is to pay in full a credit balance to close it and I did yesterday! I made it happen! It got me a bit nervous though on my way to pay a huge amount in the bank (paranoia of theft), but I safely deposited it. I have a tinge of regret about paying that debt, because I could’ve used the money for other things, but well, I am on my way to financial stability I see it as an accomplishment, however puny it may seem to others.

I’ve finished the first step to make goal #2 come true. I’ll tell you about it when that happens!

Lost and Found.

Lost:

• wallet
• less than Php 500
• ATM+credit cards
• SSS ID
• Papa’s ATM+credit card
• Fully Booked & National Bookstore discount cards
• health card from employer
• pictures
• old office IDs

Seeing all the things I lost seemingly makes this life incident a minor issue since I called and already went to the concerned banks and blocked off all the accounts because of the theft. I didn’t actually lose a lot of valuable possessions, just tangible symbols of my life’s daily transactions. All the cards are replaceable, but the caveat is they have fees, and they would take time. On the other hand, thanks to this already digital age, the pictures lost are not reasons to spill tears for.

The effects of losing these items and the hassle it has created this past two weeks manifested in the surges of restlessness and absentmindedness that even affected my work. The repercussions of the frozen accounts are biting at me & my family’s daily expenses. I think my remaining balance can make it until my next payday. The biggest loss, however, and hopefully just momentarily, is my sense of security as a commuter. It’s funny to expect that in this third world country, I know. I guess I was just always lucky to not have encountered horrible threats to my life or my finances. This ‘glitch’ burst my security bubble, and I can’t help but feel sad and slightly paranoid to go out of the house with good reason. This theft incident is more minor than the life-threatening hold-ups with guns and knives that happened to other friends, or friends of friends.

My biggest find: humility & appreciation for what I have and what’s left of me. The saying ‘every penny counts’ now holds true more than ever, and I realize that I there are a lot of things I don’t really need to spend for. My family’s basic needs are still covered, and am making sure that nothing goes to waste (food, electricity, water, etc.). I feel humbled to have been left almost nothing, and so to live within my means is instilling the financial discipline in me. I am stretching my peso as much as I can, and am being creative in finding the resources to survive until the father’s family fund is defrosted! As of this writing I’ve already found a solution, and I’ll even be able to wipe out my 1st goal for 2012 (see previous entry), and probably be able to buy goal #2!

I’m feeling better. I’m more vigilant in being careful when commuting, am more bitchy to suspicious strangers for my own good (haha), and I’ll try to remember my karate chops always (not that I’ll always attempt to fight them or anything). My pocket definitely feels lighter now in more ways than one. I’ll avoid buying the bulky long wallets from now on, just put in it the budget for the day, and keep my atm & other cards in a safer place.

 

 

Two Words

Sung by Lea Salonga

 

 

In a while, in a word,

Every moment now returns.

For a while, seen or heard,

How each memory softly burns.

Facing you who brings me new tomorrows,

I thank God for yesterdays,

How they led me to this very hour,

How they led me to this place…

Every touch, every smile,

You have given me in care.

Keep in heart, always I’ll,

Now be treasuring everywhere.

And if life should come to just one question,

Do I hold this moment true?

No trace of sadness,

Always with gladness…

‘I DO…’

Now a song that speaks of now and ever,

Beckons me to someone new,

Unexpected, unexplored, unseen,

Filled with promise coming through.

In a while, in a word,

You and I forever change,

Love so clear, never blurred,

Has me feeling wondrous, strange,

And if life should come to just one question,

Do I face each moment true?

No trace of sadness, always with gladness,

‘I DO…’

Never with sadness…

Always with gladness…

‘I…DO….’

***

A thought, sort of an epiphany, just crossed my mind while I was studying this song as a bridal march request on the 19th: saying ‘YES’ TO ANYTHING is one of the scariest, if not hardest thing to do in one’s life.

A yes entails embracing the uncertainties of outcomes. Take a new job, for example. You don’t know how well or how fast you’ll be able to cope with the daily work routine. You don’t know if you’ll hate the working environment or love it. You don’t know how well you’ll get along with your boss, and you’ll be figuring out if there will be a way to compromise with him your input on difficult decisions or if you’re going to be a martyr accepting the dictator’s commands. These scenarios sound a lot like what to expect when saying yes to marriage, haha.

Seriously, I do think it is a leap of faith, a test of trust, a wish for a bottomless well of hope in the journey together. The clarity of love is the beacon, and as the song says, ‘no trace of sadness, always with gladness,’ when someone says ‘I Do’ to good days and bad days.

The most beautiful words contain the most difficult histories. My two cents.